Faithfully
by MaeLikesSarcasm
Summary: "I'm forever yours." He said softly. "Faithfully." She whispered as she slowly entered a dreamless sleep. In Memory of Cory Monteith, 1982-2013 One Shot.


**In memory of Cory Allan Michael Monteith . I may have not known you personally, but you made an impact on my life and the lives of so many others. Thank you for everything Cory. **

_Highway run  
Into the midnight sun  
Wheels go round and round  
You're on my mind  
Restless hearts  
Sleep alone tonight  
Sending all my love  
Along the wire_

It had been five months since the death of Finn Hudson rocked the lives of many people. Five months since Rachel last heard his voice, Five months since she got a decent's night sleep, and five months since she felt something besides the numbness that seemed to envelope her body. Exactly five months since Kurt received a late night call from his father during a movie night between him, Santana, and Rachel. She'd never forget the look of grief and horror that marred Kurt's handsome face, the sounds of sobs that racked through out the young mans body, or the sickening words that slipped out of his mouth when Santana and Rachel gave him questioning looks.

"F-Finn's dead."

His words brought her life to a complete standstill. Her fast paced life seemed to slow, the sounds around her became muted, and her heart was beating so fast that she wouldn't have been surprised if it leaped out of her chest. She couldn't believe his words, she _**didn't**_ want to. Finn wasn't gone; he was probably off doing something with Puck. He couldn't be gone. Not when they had yet to get back together and begin to plan their lives together.

"N-no," Rachel whispered in a horrified tone. "That can't be true. Kurt tell me that this isn't true!" She stared at the pale boy, begging him to say that the words he had uttered had been false and that this had all been a misunderstanding. The look on his face told her otherwise though, and that was the moment Rachel Berry truly felt her world shatter around her into pieces that she knew she could never glue back together.

"No, no, no, no, NO! Not Finn. Please, not Finn!" She cried hysterically as Santana pulled her into a tight hug. She could faintly hear the sniffles in the Latina's voice as she tried to shush the shorter brunette and could feel the light trickle of what she assumed to be tears hitting the top of her head. She could vaguely hear Kurt's strained voice talking to his dad about plans to come home as soon as possible, but Rachel couldn't bring herself to register the words he was speaking. She felt as though they didn't matter anyway; nothing mattered anymore and they never would be now that half of her soul had been ripped away unexpectedly and way too soon.

She couldn't really recall her memories after that moment. She vaguely remembered Santana and Kurt helping her gather her belongings together as she sat on her bed crying. She remembered Finn's service, which Rachel would have thought had been quite beautiful if it weren't for the fact it was Finn in the casket getting ready to be put into the ground for the rest of time. She can lightly hear the heartbreaking cries of Carole Hudson-Hummel playing in her mind as she talked about the son she had raised, the son that was supposed to live passed her and speak at her funeral, instead of hers speaking at his. The one that kept her strong after the death of her husband, and the one who now joined her husband wherever spirits go after their time on earth had ended. If she thought back hard enough, she could even still feel the tight squeeze Carole had given her upon her entrance and hear the whispered "Thank you." That accompanied the hug. She didn't exactly know what Carole was thanking her for. Maybe it was for showing up when she wanted to just lock herself away from the world. Maybe it was for being in Finn's life. Or maybe she had been thanking her for loving Finn all of these years. In all honesty, Rachel didn't know and she was too exhausted to ponder over the possibilities.

The months between his death and the present seemed to blur into one for Rachel. People's lives resumed slowly after the bomb had been dropped, but not hers. Hers just seemed endless and she even found herself wishing every now and then for everything to end so she could be reunited with Finn again.

She slowly started to push the people who cared for her away. They could see Rachel slowly falling into herself and wanted to help her out. She barely talked to Santana and Kurt, and stopped answering the phone calls of the alumni and current members of New Directions. There were days where Santana and Kurt had to pull her out of bed, shove her into the shower, and feed her like a baby. It had gotten to the point where Rachel's dads' had even wanted to bring her back to Lima so they could keep a better eye on her, but Rachel had quickly put her foot down and promised to even go to group therapy to try and work through her grief.

She went once and never wanted to go back again.

To the knowledge of her dads', Kurt, and Santana; Rachel had been attending sessions every Tuesday for the past three months. In reality though, Rachel spent those therapy hours wondering around New York City and trying to avoid places that would remind her of Finn.

It didn't work, especially when she somehow found herself on the bridge they had walked over during their date in junior year. Or well, what she really thought was song writing time but had turned out to be a date.

She still attended her classes at NYADA, but she just didn't feel the spark of hope and passion the place use to ignite in her. Her once high hopes of being on Broadway seemed to disappear in the last few months as well. She had bombed the final audition against the other girl vying for the part of Fanny Brice, and she honestly couldn't bring herself to care that she had lost interest in the dream that had been her foundation of her childhood. Her dreams of Broadway didn't matter anymore, not when her bigger dreams of being with Finn had fallen a part.

Her waking hours were spent focused on the tall man she had loved since the age of fifteen, while her fitful dreaming periods were spent conjuring up blurry pictures of him and her and all of the things they were robbed of experiencing.

Normally her dreams of Finn were fuzzy. The world she created in her mind resembled shadow puppetry almost. There were no faces, no clear and certain backgrounds, but she could always tell who accompanied her in her dream world because when her companion was with her, the ache in her chest lessened and she was able to breathe again for a few moments. Tonight though, it was different. She could make out every feature on his face, from the light freckles that were dotted lightly across his cheeks to the sparkle that seemed to have dimmed since the last time she had seen his face in person. Rachel thought maybe the bittersweet look that Finn wore was a projection of her own emotions; the slight happiness she felt at finally being able to picture Finn clearly in her mind, but the sadness that had become a constant in her life after his departure from the world.

She dreamed of her and Finn sitting on a picnic blanket in the middle of Central Park. The two of them hadn't said a word, but his presence made Rachel feel content for the first time in months.

"Rach." Dream Finn whispered as his hand reached out to lightly stroke her soft, tan face. She leaned in to his touch, missing the feeling of his rough hands against her skin and reveling at feeling she had come to greatly miss.

"Hmm?" She hummed as she kept her eyes shut.

"Rach, baby look at me." He told her in a serious tone.

Her eyes snapped open and found his lighter ones staring back at hers. "What is it?" She questioned him in a soft tone.

"You need to stop doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Being…" He paused momentarily as if trying to pick his words carefully. "…sad.

"I can't stop being sad, Finn; it's not that simple." She told him, sounding as though what he had asked of her was something impossible.

"It may not be simple, but you can try. I know you're upset, but I hate seeing you like this. I just want you to be happy again."

Rachel looked at him and scoffed.

"How am I supposed to be happy when it feels like a piece of me has been ripped to pieces? When every waking moment it feels like my heart is going to break in half from the pain I feel?" She questioned rhetorically; her voice biting and slightly bitter. "How am I supposed to go on when everything I planned for myself has fallen a part?" She continued, tears pooled in her eyes and they slowly started to cascade down her face one by one." I can't be happy without you Finn! You were my life, my soul. You were my_ everything_, and without you I have nothing. Nothing at all!" The short brunette's voice cracked towards the end. More tears streaked down her face at a furious pace and heartbreaking sobs escaped from her lipstick clad lips.

"That's not true. You have your dads', Kurt, Santana, my mom, Burt, Quinn-"

"It's not the same Finn! I love them, but not the way I loved you and always will. You left, and it's never going to be the same. " In the back of Rachel's mind, she knew that the Finn in front of her was just a figment of her imagination. All though part of her felt as though confessing everything she felt to dream-Finn was silly, the other part couldn't help but feel as though that this encounter with him was the real deal.

Finn pulled her in close and laid his right cheek on the top of her slightly messy dark hair. His toned arms that were holding her to his chest tightened around her more as the cries of his ex-fiancée became louder. "Shh, baby it's okay. I'm right here. It's alright." He whispered soothingly as he gently swayed the sobbing girl side to side in hopes to calm her down.

"No, it's not alright! It'll never be alright." She cried even harder into his chest. Her arms found their way to his chest, where her delicate hands grabbed a fistful of the gray t-shirt he wore under an open checkered flannel.

Finn gently pried her hands off of his shirt and pulled her away from his body so that he could look at her face. "Hey, look at me." He told her gently. "It'll all be alright. Maybe not now, but eventually it will be. I swear." He promised the young woman.

She sniffled and brought her right hand up to try and wipe away some of her tears. "How do you know that?" She questioned, not believing that his hopeful words would actually come true.

"Because you're Rachel Berry. You're strong, courageous, and if anyone can keep moving forward when the worst happens, it's you."

Rachel let out a tiny sigh and burrowed herself back into his chest and Finn's arms immediately welcomed her in. "I'm tired of being strong." She mumbled brokenly. Finn's left hand absentmindedly played with the ends of Rachel's long waves, while he used his right to slowly rub her back in comforting circles. "You don't have to do it alone. You've got your dads', Santana, Kurt, my mom, Burt, Mr. Schue, the Glee club; current and old…you don't have to do all of this alone. Please baby, let them help you. You can't keep pushing people away. You need them and they need you." He told her earnestly.

"I know, it's just…I miss you so much Finn." She sniffled into his shirt.

"I'll always be with you, Rachel. You may not see me, but I'll always be there cheering you on." He then placed a soft kiss on top of her head and placed his right cheek on top of her head. She breathed in his scent that she had come to miss the last few months, even before his departure. She still had stuff around the apartment with a lingering smell of him, but it didn't come close to the real thing.

After a few moments of just holding each other tight, Finn started speaking once more. "Remember that star I bought you a few years ago?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Do you remember what I named it?"

Rachel's lips lifted into a smile for the first time in months. "Yeah." She replied "you named it Finn Hudson. You were going to name it after me, but you said there was already a star named Rachel Berry." She giggled at the last bit which caused Finn's mouth to quirk into a half smile.

"And do you remember what I said about the star?" He continued on.

There was a pause, but soon enough Rachel's voice broke through the silence. "That whenever I get lonely, I can look up at the sky and know that no matter where you are you'll always be looking down at me." She replied in a quieter tone.

Finn placed his arms on her shoulder and slowly leaned back to look at her face. "So whenever you feel sad or lonely, I want you look up into the sky and think of all of the good times we had. Think about the first time I told you I loved you at Regionals, and when we sang Faithfully. Think about our first time and how we became even closer than before after that. Or think about the time you walked out of your bathroom with your hair all curly and poofy wearing that Grease outfit." He chuckled at the memory of sophomore Rachel trying to seduce him with the tight outfit.

"Hey!" She yelped indignantly. "I will have you know that the Grease thing was all Kurt's fault. He still had a crush on you and was trying to sabotage me." She told him while crossing her arms in front of her.

"Well, you know that outfit was kinda hot. So, I guess I owe Kurt for that one." He stated with a huge grin painted on his face. Rachel lightly smacked him in the arm, causing Finn to yelp. They sat together in silence but smiles were plastered on their faces.

"It's just not fair," She broke in sadly, the smile on her face falling into a frown. "We were supposed to get back together and get married and have little Finn's and Rachel's running around the house. You were going to be a great teacher who inspired his students to be better people and I was supposed to be an award winning Broadway star." Rachel could feel the tears forming in her eyes, and she tried her best to keep them at bay. "Now we'll never get to have that chance." She finished off with a sniffle.

Finn's face fell at the thought of never getting to experience the trials of parenthood with Rachel, but he quickly masked it with a bittersweet smile. "No, we'll never get that chance together, but you'll still be able to." Rachel opened her mouth to cut in to tell him she couldn't imagine experiencing those things with anybody but him, but Finn didn't let her. "No, Rach listen. Someday, maybe not now, but someday you're going to meet a man who you'll fall in love with. You're going to love this guy, maybe as much as you love me, and he's going to love you and cherish you. You guys will create little Rachel's and you can still be an award winning Broadway star and you'll live a long full life with your friends and family by your side. In order to do that though, you need to start moving forward and trying to heal." Finn told her in a soft but stern voice. The way he spoke to her now reminded her of the day he sent her off to New York, by herself, to pursue her dreams.

_The day we should have been married _she thought bitterly.

"I don't want to though." She averted her gaze down to stare at her clasped hands that laid limp in her lap.

"Rach-"

"I don't want to," She cut him off firmly. "But I can try." Rachel finished in a softer voice. She looked up timidly to gauge his reaction and was met by Finn smiling at her. Not just any smile though, the half smirk that he seemed to save for Rachel and Rachel only that still caused her body to react the same way it did four years ago. She could feel the butterflies swarm in her stomach angrily, feel the heat rise up her neck, and she shot him a small smile.

Finn leaned over and wrapped his arms around her. This hug felt different then the ones he had given her before, and it hit her a few seconds later that he was saying goodbye. She brought her slender arms to wrap around his neck and buried her face into the crook of his neck; trying to breathe in his comforting scent one last time. Finn placed one last long kiss on top of her head. "I love you." He mumbled into her long brown locks.

"I love you too." She responded with a sniffle. She wanted more than anything to stay in his arms forever, but she could feel the world around her slowly slipping away and she knew that she would have to leave eventually.

Finn pulled away once more and stroked the side of Rachel's face, his eyes looking at her as if trying to commit every single one of her features to memory. "I'm forever yours." He said softly.

Before Rachel could respond however, the setting that Rachel's mind had conjured up slowly became blurred. Her mind screamed at her to latch on to anything she could, and her heart leaped out of her throat as she watched Finn's form slowly fade away. Soon the colorful world she had envisioned was submerged in a black abyss, and Rachel found herself back in her tiny room in New York. Her dark, glassy, chocolate eyes stared silently at the ceiling. The room was quiet, with most of the world not yet awake, but the occasional sounds of a car driving passed could be heard from her window. She quietly mused that the moon shining through her curtains and bringing a little into the dark room was a lot like her and Finn.

She couldn't help but compare the moon seeping into her dark bedroom to Finn. He was her light, and without him her world was nothing but dark and cold. Staring at her window, she felt a sense of comfort and for the first time in months, the weight on her shoulders seemed to get lighter. He may not physically be there with her anymore, but she would always carry him with her no matter where she went. Finn Hudson would always be a part of her. No matter how much time passed, no matter who she ended up with, he would always hold a special place in her heart. She would always miss the man who had greatly impacted her life for the better, but she knew someday she would see him again. Until then, however, she would just have to try and live life to the fullest.

She clutched the sliver 'Finn' necklace that had been worn around her neck for the past few months and she shut her eyes once more; a small smile graced her lips as she felt a sense of peacefulness settle into her bones.

"Faithfully." She whispered as she slowly entered a dreamless sleep.

_I'm forever yours  
Ever yours  
Faithfully_

**So, what'd you guys think? Was the Finn in Rachel's dreams just figment of her imagination or was it really Finn himself? I know that this has probably been done a lot, but I wanted to try my hand at it. This is the first time ever that a story I've written has caused me to cry; I don't know how I'm going to deal with the Tribute episode if I bawled like a baby just imagining Rachel and everybody going through the death of Finn. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed it and have a good rest of the day. All mistakes are mine, so I apologize if there were any. **

**Thanks for reading, **

**-Mae **

**RIP Cory**


End file.
